WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT BREAKING UP

This was originally written for a specific person in a specific situation---someone who'd asked me for a Biblical perspective on breaking up with a boyfriend/ girlfriend.  Maybe though it can help someone else.

                Despite all the “rights” we claim in Western society, God only identifies a small number of actual human rights.  Off- hand I can only think of 2 things to which the Bible says that you and I are actually entitled: death and love.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death.  Of course the word “wages” rather than say “consequence” indicates that it’s what we’ve earned/ deserve.   Jesus addresses that in His work of salvation.

The other thing that the Bible plainly says is owed to us is love.  People say that the only certainties are death and taxes.  God says that though we should pay our taxes, the only certainties are actually death and love.

Romans 13: 7     Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.

8     Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.

                Since love is a Biblical mandate, fulfilling that mandate requires a Biblical definition of what love is.

1 Corinthans 13: 4     Love suffers long and

 is kind;

love does not envy;

love does not parade itself,

is not puffed up;

5     does not behave rudely,

does not seek its own,

is not provoked,

thinks no evil;

 6     does not rejoice in iniquity, but

rejoices in the truth;

7     bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

8a     Love never fails. …

                Notice that God’s definition focuses on how you love someone not how much you love them.  Your boyfriend/ girlfriend may sincerely love you a whole lot, but if they love you wrong it doesn’t really matter if they love you much.

So, if you were dating someone who did not, would not, and wasn’t willing to learn how to provide the God-commanded love to which you are entitled and the two of you broke up---- it’s O.K. 

(Now there are 2 important caveats here: (1) This applies to a dating break-up.  Divorce is more complicated because marriage is deeper than dating. (2) You are entitled to love as God defined it not necessarily the way you define it.  The kind of love you personally want may or may not fit with God’s definition.)

If you chose to be alone rather than to deepen an emotional attachment to someone who refuses to follow God’s direction then remember the words of Deuteronomy 31: 6.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

                There’s really no point in casting your pearls before swine or sowing your seed among thorns (Matthew 7: 6; Jeremiah 4: 3).  You could experience momentary emotional pleasure by getting right back with that person, but if he/she doesn’t alter their mindset to include a Biblical view of love then you will both just suffer more later on.

                Now, don’t take this to mean that the other person is necessarily a pig or that all of the thorns in the side of your relationship grew from them.  Let’s be real here.

1 John 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 

It takes two people to have a relationship, and I’ve yet to see or hear about a human-human relationship in which both people didn’t participate in screwing it up.

So use this alone-time to get alone with God, and deal with your issues because you do have some.

1 Corinthians 10: 12     Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.

And, if you will be honest with God about your contribution to the failure of the relationship, then He will use this time to improve the you that you are so that you are ready to receive the future blessing of the right one to be with.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If you don’t then keep in mind that God never gives us more trouble or more blessing than we are prepared to handle.  If you don’t let Him make you better then you can’t really expect Him to give you better.

Maybe you want to know when.  When will you find the right person?  When will you get past your own crap?

When the time is right.

But your worrying and stressing and going all dark and emo about the break-up will not make the right time arrive one second sooner.  It might make you more susceptible to being deceived into thinking that the next moment is automatically the right one, but making yourself miserable won’t actually move you to the right moment.

Matthew 6: 34 do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Concentrate now on your other relationship.  You know, the one  you have with Jesus.

James 4: 8 Draw close to God and he will draw close to you.

                If you have issues that you don’t understand,  through prayer, and Bible study, and carefully selected godly counsel come to understand yourself.    Or, if you’re not the one who’s messed up but you are messed up enough to keep blaming yourself for all of the mess, you need to understand where that’s coming from, too.   Either way: prayer, Bible study, and carefully selected godly counsel.

James 1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Jesus loves you.  He loved you when you were at your worst.  He loved you when you had done the worst thing you ever did in your life.  He loves you now, and He will always love you.  Jesus wants you to know the fullness of His love.  Then you can recognize and give the fullness of human love in the way God wants you to experience it.

Jeremiah 29:11  “I know the plans that I have for you”, declares the LORD. “They are plans for peace and not disaster,  plans to give you a future filled with hope.”

Other passages for you to consider:

·         1 Corinthians 10: 13     
·         1 Thessalonians 4: 4
·         Psalms 34: 18  
·         Isaiah 41: 10  
·         Ephesians 4: 15
----- Anderson T. Graves II

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is the pastor of Hall Memorial CME Church

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